Letters of Complaint, vol.3
You enter the store at the same time as me. I pick up my basket and start perusing, but I feel your hurried presence and the tap-tap of your shoes walking behind me. I pick up the pace for your benefit, since you're stuck behind me, after all.
As ridiculously quick as I feel I'm walking, the fact that you're almost on top of me makes me feel I should be going even faster.
Oh, that's something I need!
But no, can't stop, person behind me needs to get somewhere.
Ooh, bananas, those were on my list!
No, can't stop, don't I hear the shoes?! You're in a hurry. For the love of god woman, keep going.
Now I break into a run-walk, hips jutting and arms pumping.
I know, I'll just slip into this next aisle and let you pass me. I'm not sure why you couldn't have just gone around me earlier, but i'm sure there was a perfectly good reason I'm not aware of.
What's this? You need to be in this aisle too? Shoot. I feel so foolish, continuing to inconvenience you with my slow-poke ways.
Alright then... I'll just jog over to get some milk and...oh...that's what you were coming in here for I see... milk. Why didn't I see that all along?! I can tell by the impatient jangling of your keys that I'm in your way of the cooler.. I'm sorry sir! Let me just ninja-bend backwards so that you may get your milk from the cooler first. How selfish of me, an utter sloth, to assume I could retrieve my milk before thee.
And now you're trying to get by...but oh no, my basket's in the way! I heave it to the side, all slow-mo action-movie-like, my milk jostling. YOU HAVE PLACES TO BE, PEOPLE TO SEE!
I admire you. The mannor in which you slap your money down on the rubber belt, so the cashier has to awkwardly reach for it. You're obviously a man of power, this shows. The way you don't respond to her "how are you's" and "have a good days". No time for trivialities, this implies.
Yes, sir, you've changed me. I vow, next time I will hurry too. I will zip through the store like the fastest mouse in all of Me-hico, being sure to bulldoze those in my way (instead of just going around, which I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for). I hope then I will know what it feels like to be an important-person-on-the-go.
Many Happy Returns of the Day,Snail-Paced Bozo